Knots and Trowels

We all know the feeling. That important task looms over you like a storm cloud, but suddenly, everything else in the world seems way more urgent.

The dishes? Haven’t been this spotless in weeks.

Rearranging your books by color? A totally reasonable use of time.

Researching the life cycle of penguins? Vital information for… something, surely.

Welcome to the wonderful world of procrastination—a place where deadlines are merely suggestions and distractions are an art form.

And…. your degree doesn’t matter

Step 1: Convince Yourself You Need the Perfect Setup

Before you can start your task, you obviously need to set the perfect ambiance. This means rearranging your workspace, adjusting the lighting, making a snack (or three), and then, of course, finding the perfect playlist. By the time you’re done, it’s been two hours, and you’re too exhausted to work. The other outcome is that it is not exactly on the hour. 14:02? missed your shot. Too late! better wait 58 minutes. Time for a break!

Step 2: Find “Productive” Distractions

Procrastinators don’t just waste time; they invest it… in the most unnecessary things. Cleaning, reorganizing, deep-diving into niche Wikipedia pages—it all feels productive, which is key. Bonus points if you start a new project in the process (because why finish one thing when you can start five?). Make sure to find a topic that makes you feel less guilty.

Step 3: Rationalize It

Your brain will justify anything. “I work best under pressure!” “If I start now, it won’t be my best work!” “The assignment is only 4000 words – that’s like 3 days work!” “Let me just do one quick thing before I start!” Spoiler: that one quick thing turns into a 45-minute doomscroll, but it’s fine.

Step 4: Panic

Inevitably, reality hits. The deadline is not a suggestion, and you are not actually as good under pressure as you thought. And so begins the final stage: a caffeine-fueled frenzy where you somehow accomplish in two hours what you’ve been putting off for two weeks. It’s a miracle every time.

Final Thoughts

Procrastination is both an art and a science, and you are a professional. Will we change? Probably not. But at least we’ll have perfectly organized bookshelves and a wealth of penguin knowledge along the way. Lastly…. START YOUR ASSIGNMENTS.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I was supposed to do something important… but first, I just need to check one thing real quick…