Knots and Trowels

I have never liked change. I don’t like new years when the year turns from 2024 to 2025. I don’t like going from first year to second year. I don’t like when things end.

In my third year, I would talk about a breadmaker and what it represented to my therapist. I saw it as a large terrifying object that signified that I was done with youth and I was actually 5 seconds away from dying. I was finishing my undergrad degree then moving in my with boyfriend. He said we should get a breadmaker (who buys a breadmaker straight out of university??) It led me to spiral and to think I couldn’t even go clubbing anymore. This was not the case. Since then I’ve been working on accepting change and end slightly more.

I now finish TV shows (cried a lot the other night over Lost – Hurley loml). I am working on things that make me uncomfortable. However, I still go to the societies that I joined in first year. My friends have moved on and some of it feels more like a chore now. I am scared of leaving it though. What if it is a big change to everything and I cannot cope?

My solution is to accept that I am growing up. I’m 21 and I don’t have to spend every day doing what I did when I was 18.

This acceptance is hard but I am getting there.